this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize