Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
