3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
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