Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
