I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
