sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Randomize
