Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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