You can't special order awesome
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
