i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
