How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
