Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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