That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
