so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
