Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
