the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
