I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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