Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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