Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
