My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
