Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
