So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
