Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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