Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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