I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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