i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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