Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
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correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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