The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
