I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he shaved USA in his pubs
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
