He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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