Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i think i just lost a toe
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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