There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
