I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
