Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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