the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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