anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
