Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
