Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
