Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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