and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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