I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize