I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
