I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
