Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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