your thong is hanging out like whoa
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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