what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
