how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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