The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
