I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
