I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
