I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
