We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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