omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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