Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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