There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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