Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
