Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
