True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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