I must be too annoying 4 u.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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