I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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