Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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