honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
