even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
