I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am midnight drunk by noon
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
