when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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