so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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