he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This is classic penis vs brain.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
