I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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