She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
