I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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