No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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