I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
