Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
