Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
