Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
