I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
