Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
