It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
