she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
