...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
