why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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