Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
