Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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